Stoic realizes he needs people, says 'thank you'

(I shot the updated profile photo last week. It looks weird to me because I am not wearing glasses. I will probably update the photo next week. I will keep the beard. My mom likes it)

I was reluctant to write about my fight against sarcoidosis or to join any on-line support groups that might keep me buoyant during the struggle. Boy was I wrong about both. Writing this blog/column keeps me sane and focused. Writing and sharing is a release valve for me, a guy does not like to reveal personal pain or weakness. It is my nature to conceal it. It is both strength and liability.

It is an asset because I am resilient and can keep pushing forward in the face of adversity. And I mean damn near any adversity. Knock me down and I will get up and I will be stronger because of the experience. However, the ability to hide pain, sadness, distress, etc., also isolates. Sometimes one just needs to fire up a rescue flare or pick up the phone and say, “I am coming home,” or, “I really need your help today.”

I have always admired stoics. One of my first heroes was Mr. Spock from Star Trek. Ruled by logic, not emotion. Loved that about him. I also admired the unflappable captains who went down with their ships or the movie cowboys and soldiers who sucked their teeth and said, “It is just a flesh wound” after taking a shot in the gut.

I can even appreciate the black knight in Monty Python And The Holy Grail...Um, sir, that is more than a flesh wound. Yeah, that needs...treatment...

If the past six months has taught me anything, it is this: I need folks as much as they need me. And that is cool. I need my family. I have seen a marked improvement in my attitude and physical well-being since moving to Lakewood to be with my parents. I can walk a few miles a day, lift weights. I am still…big…My family and friends are sweet. They will not say that I am fat. I am cool with it: I am fat! But a lot of it is prednisone-influenced. I am sure the pounds will come off as I continue the slow tapering off the medication.

I need and appreciate my family and need and appreciate the good people I have met through http://www.inspire.com/. It is a support group for people with sarcoidosis and other autoimmune diseases. My mom suggested I join a support group back in March and I was like, I do not need a support group. I have my family and friends and Northwestern. I do not need anything else.

I was wrong. I did need to connect with people who understand what I am going through because they are in the same situation. And in many cases, some of them are worse off. That makes me more grateful for the small victories I have had over this disease. I know it will be with me for the rest of my life, but I will keep fighting it because, from where I sit, I am not only fortunate to be alive, I am fortunate to be able to walk three miles a day and lift weights. Words can fail to describe what some of my new friends endure. Each one of them is embroiled in a Hamburger Hill-type battle. The enemy that is a disease has the advantage. Yet these people keep in touch with each other via email and message board and keep each other going.

So I decided to take time out to say thank you to the good friends I have met at http://www.inspire.com/. One asked me why I am doing what I am doing. What motivates me to blog and to fight?

I have basic motivations: I want to live, I do it to honor my late brother, Todd (I’m sure I will write more about him later), and I do it for everyone who cannot do it.

Have a great weekend.