People, public places are hazards for 'germaphobes'

(Thanks to all who sent me their thoughts and ideas about prednisone and weight loss. I appreciate the tips and common sense advice and know they will help. By popular demand, I am posting another photo of Tobie. He has nothing to do with today’s column, but I’ve been receiving email about him. Be cool, folks. Tobie’s head is gonna swell and he’s gonna demand his own blog! Thanks again. Please read on…)

I am a situational germaphobe. I have a mild, quirky case of mysophobia.

Remember the 10-Second rule or the Kiss-it-up-to-God rule? I was introduced to these rules well before I was 10 years old, so I learned it before 1975, like, between ’73 and ’75. Anyway, the rules work like this: if you drop a piece of candy or food on the floor, just make sure you pick it up and consume it before 10 seconds elapses. Or, pick it up, kiss it and hold it to the heavens, presumably for a blessing…

All the kids I knew were down with that. Not me. That candy, food or whatever was contaminated and rendered inedible and deadly after coming into contact with microorganisms. That’s what happens when you give a kid with an overactive imagination access to a microscope at a formative age. Luck of the draw. You might get a scientist or you might get me…a kid that sees all the small squiggly stuff that attaches itself to bigger stuff…Ugh…

So imagine me now, in my 40s, taking drugs that battle symptoms of an autoimmune disease. Now, put that man in a position to use a public library restroom. Comedy ensures.

I went to the Lakewood, N.J., branch of the Ocean County public library last week to do some research for my parents. When I pulled into the parking lot, I had to go to the bathroom real bad (damn diuretic). So I walk into the joint, find the bathroom and then…wait…I flash back to my visit earlier in the week with my new internal medicine guy based in Long Branch...

My new internist and I talk about my heart and lung sarcoidosis. We talk about my walking and weightlifting. I get the sense he is impressed and he tells me to keep it up. I tell him I have no choice. I ask him about the upcoming flu shot and what, if anything I can do to avoid getting sick. The prednisone and methotrexate I take to suppress sarcoidosis symptoms also suppress the immune system. “Avoid crowds,” my doc says. “How do you avoid crowds in a country with a population of 300 million, doctor?” I ask. “Go to the mall off hours,” he says. “Don’t go to hospitals or places where sick people congregate. Wash your hands often and thoroughly.” I do, but I notice the world does not,” I say. “I use hand sanitizer, too,” I say. “Good,” he says. “Keep it on you.”

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OK, back to the public library in Lakewood and the men’s room there (I have a couple of weird tales out of three visits to the Lakewood branch. Lakewood is…an interesting place…on many levels. More later).

Anyway, the library men’s room….I discreetly use my foot to push open the door – everyone touches that door, I ain’t touching it with my hands! I take care of business, I soap my hands, wash them…thoroughly, which few people do. I dry them with paper towels, toss the waste into the receptacle, consumed by thoughts of the little project I am doing for my folks, I grab and open the door and…

What is this slimy ----- on my hand?! I rushed to the sink, soaped up my hands, blasted the hot water and tried not think about what someone might have left on that doorknob. Opened the door – this time using a paper towel and went back to my car for my little jar of hand sanitizer.

I wonder how much a biohazard suit costs…

I'm trying to be cool about the suppressed immune system thing. I have been on prednisone and methotrexate for almost six months and have not developed so much as a head cold. I remind myself that I need to be careful not paranoid. Still, when I step into a crowd I see microbes not people...

I say “situational” because some things freak me out and others don’t. Germs from a public restroom, restaurant glasses or public phones (who uses a #$*&ing public phone anymore anyway?!)…I freak out. Quietly and to myself, but freak out nonetheless. My cell phone? Friends and family’s cell phones? I don’t freak.

Same germs, I just know the people. I know it doesn’t make sense. Beauty of being human…Sure does keep me on my toes.

Wash your hands!