Prednsione rewards and rage

(Because of prednisone, I often feel how this guy looks)

A meal of Taylor Ham, bacon, Brown Sugar-Cinnamon Pop-Tarts and Gatorade has all the vitamins and minerals a growing boy needs.

The man whose shopping cart accidentally slams into another person’s cart at the super market deserves a bloody-pulp beat down!

If a tractor-trailer driver cuts you off on the thruway, leap from your car onto the truck’s hood, punch through the windshield, and grab the driver and POUND, POUND, POUND!

Welcome to my prednisone world. All apologizes to whomever I offended. Or offend from this moment forth.

The preceding thoughts are steroid-fueled representations of rage and/or despair. The feelings are partners in a twisted tango going on in my head. I fight to keep them there, but sometimes they get out.

Weeks ago, I wrote about art-rocker Kim Deal who in a recent interview essentially said she dug prednisone's side effects. I wrote that I did not. There was nothing to like.

However, I am embarking on one of the most creative spurts I have ever had and am on the verge of finishing my first novel and well into my second. I have shared my work with friends with divergent backgrounds and interests - 35-year-old Asian-American business woman with Alabama roots and conservative leanings, 26-year-old moderate white male from Dallas, 26, year-old white liberal-minded female from Michigan, 40-year-old black female apolitical health care industry expert from Chicago - all have read it and want more.

That bodes well for the future success of my projects, I reckon. We'll see. The ideas are mine, but where is the focus and energy coming from? Prednisone-induced mania, I suspect. So that is good.

The other side though is despair. There was a time early in my fight against lung and heart sarcoidosis when I would not get out of bed for days except to go to the bathroom. I would cry at the end of a movie or TV show no matter how hokey.

And then there was/is rage. The news, small talk, cartoons; they can all make me very, very angry….Not good.

Prednisone’s side effects are legendary. I started on 60 mg daily and am down to 40 mg. I am hoping we can cut it to 20 mg soon and then get to the magic number of between 5 to 10 mg because side effects are minimal at that dosage. Go here for a full list of side effects, the ones that give me the most trouble are:

- Insomnia, euphoria and, in some cases, even mania. My music collection and the way my VW GTI handles an open stretch of high way is way too exhilarating right now. The high...I never want it to end.
- Weight gain
- Abdominal pain, blurring of vision
- Pain in the hips or shoulders
- Acne
- Sleeplessness
- Stretch marks on the skin
- Swelling in the face (@#$%ing Moon face!)
- nervousness
- increase in appetite
- hyperactivity

So why the heck would a doctor administer a drug with so many side effects? Because it is a life-saving drug that works so well that physicians argue the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. They prescribe prednisone and other drugs to counteract prednisone side effects. Doctors treat these side effects of prednisone symptomatically, since it is not always feasible to stop prednisone administration even when severe side effects occur.

Prednisone comes with a warning urging the taker to tell family, friends and coworkers that they are on the drug. That is how volatile the drug makes some people. I warned people and also stay alert to squash my outbursts. But sometimes the words just fly out my mouth. Examples:

- I called a man an 'über-tard' and practically challenged him to a fistfight for stepping in front of me in line at a Wa-Wa.
- I yelled at a city Hall greeter chomping on a mouthful of sandwich while giving directions the bathroom. “Take a lunch and eat! Don’t spit mustard on people asking for directions. That’s not what we pay you for!”
- I screamed at a nurse at Northwestern for screwing up one of my prescriptions. Something got lost in translation between Chicago and Howell, N.J., and the delay left me seething, wanting to topple display cases and turn over cars. Aaaargh!

And, I have thought about covering my parents’ house in chocolate and trying to eat it. Just cuz! I am ravenous. All the time.

Whew….prednisone sucks. For the most part, I am able to control outbursts because I am aware that I am under the influence of a powerful drug. There are millions of folks out there on prednisone for variety of reasons. They keep themselves under wraps and so can I.

But sometimes the insults rip. So, in advance, I apologize.