To (expletive here) or not to (expletive here)...

The headline is a play on one of the most famous lines in world literature, “To be or not to be, that is the question…” The headline also teases and invites the reader to fill in the blanks.

The question I ask myself is a simple one: To use profanity or not? I must admit that I like using profanity. I am good at it, too. I had good teachers, including my childhood friend from Elizabeth, Plainfield, Fanwood and Scotch Plains, N.J., and many of the journalists in every newsroom in which I worked or visited. A lot of journalists can let the blue language flow with aplomb.

However, I am trying to curb my profanity because….because my mom reads this column, also her friends. Also, I am tempered by my training and 20+ years of experience. If this column ran in a traditional “family” newspaper, it would have to be expletive free. Children rarely read newspapers, but they still reach a broad audience that includes folks who find blue language upsetting and offensive. Can’t lose any more readers! I would have to use the word “expletive” in place of the actual expletive.

Some folks do not curse at all. I admire that. Someone once told me that smart people don’t curse. They can find other words to express themselves. That is bullshit. If I smash your thumb with a hammer or I stomp your foot, what are you going to say? “Oh, David, why would you do such a cruel and dastardly thing?! Hell no! You’re gonna rip some nasty words and you're gonna try to kick my ass.

After being diagnosed in March with lung and heart sarcoidosis, I briefly went through a time when I stopped using profanity. It was all part of the new me…

I was in a hospital bed and said to myself, If I get some more chance I will never, ever…fill in the blank. I was released after 10 days of treatment and it became, If I get one more chance, I will try to never, ever... A month into taking the drugs that fight and suppress sarcoidosis symptoms, it was, Where the ---- are my keys?! (some of these ‘scripts make me forgetful, and, What the ---- happened to my face?! (Prednisone causes moon face and I really hate that shit…No waxing eloquently there. And no fucking pun intended).

See, that’s what I like about the power of profanity. When used right, it drives home the point. After all these years, George Carlin's seven words you cannot use on television still works. Tell a Richard Pryor joke - poignant stories all - without blue language. Pryor describing the time he set himself on fire while freebasing or the reason he stopped using the N-word after visiting Africa...drop the controversial, provocative and saucey language and the power is lost.

Of course times have changed. Many of today’s comedians think they are funny just because they can string nasty words together.

I am keeping basic promise I made to my family, friends and myself when I first started writing this blog: I will do all I can to get well. I have quit smoking. I exercise every day. I take my meds with the goal that they will do their job, I will do mine and one day - on one glorious day - I will not need these meds.

But give up the use of profanity? I can’t. I am writing fiction and some of the scenes and characters don’t work with an occasional f-bomb, or worse….combinations of words including the F-bomb! I do plan to mind my manners. I won’t swear around, (most) women, senior citizens, in houses of worship... I know some folks feel that philosophy is antiquated, but manners do not go out of style.

So, I’ll watch my mouth and my writing most of the time. But occasionally I am gonna let the you-know-what fly because it feels right or drives home the point.