"Process Not Product"

(Yes! My pulmonologist cut my prednisone from 50 milligrams a day to 40. That, in turn, is helping reduce my blood pressure. My BP readings now are in the 130s/90s (normal BP is less than 120/80)instead of the high 140s/100s when I was on the highest dosage of prednisone (60 mg). We’re controlling the BP by maxing out on Carvedilol, lisinopril and hydralazine. Can’t wait to finally reduce those drugs, too)

Facebook.com applications are silly fun. One of my favorites allows people to share their “library” with friends.

I put together a Top 11 Favorite Books List (two James Baldwin books are on the list; could not choose between the two). Also on the list are works by E. L. Doctorow, H.G. Wells and Howard Zinn. Eclectic.

Zen in the Martial Arts by Joe Hyams is also on the list. Strictly speaking, Zen is the Mahayana Buddhism belief that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation and intuition rather than through faith and devotion. My mind reconciles and dovetails both.

I bought a copy of the book when it was published as a paperback in 1979. I was 15 and studying karate at the time. I wanted more than a physical experience. I was studying the martial art to sharpen my mind, to transcend the possible.

I have read that book one thousand times. It is yellow from the sun and elements, its spine is split in two now, as if it is the slimmest two-volume set ever published.

I still pull it out when I am troubled or in need of righting my course. I have been frustrated with what I have characterized in my head as the slow progress of healing. I should be grateful, though. My pulmonary sarcoidosis is abating (the way I breathe, the way my breathing sounds indicates that, my docs say.)

My cardiac sarcoidosis, which is affecting my left ventricle, is improving, too, but at a much slower rate. The option is to place a defibrillator in my chest to guard against abnormal heart rhythms that could cause cardiac arrest. I am not interested in having a machine installed in my chest. Just can’t do it. Not right now anyway.

So in my frustration, I turned to Zen In Martial Arts. The author uses the backdrop of the martial arts and experiences to show a way to a better, more rewarding life. Each chapter focuses on Hymans’ learning a valuable life lesson through his martial arts studies.

He uses a cast of characters – including martial art legends Bruce Lee, Ed Parker and Bong Soo Han and Hollywood stars - to explain how Zen principles can lead to greater control and inner peace.

The chapters are short, some only one-page long. A two-pager called “Process Not Product,” is just what I need. In it, Hymas writes about the frustration he felt when he was learning Hapkido. He was an older, stiffer man amongst younger men who seemed to be picking up the moves with ease. Hymas was ready to quit and his master, Bong Soo Han, recognized that and spoke to him.

You will never learn to do any endeavor properly unless you are willing to give yourself some time. I think you are accustomed to having everything come easily to you, but that is not the way of life or the martial arts,” the master says to Hymas.

“I am patient,” Hymas replied.

“We are not talking now about patience,” says the master. “To be patient is to have capacity for strong endurance. To give yourself time is to actively work towards a goal without setting a limit on how long you will work.”

That, to paraphrase Hymas, touches the core of my problem. I keep setting hard deadlines for health results. I want off prednisone and methotrexate in August, six months after being hospitalized.

However, that is not going to happen. What I need to do is focus on the process, take the meds, exercise, eat right, stay positive, and the “product” – getting well and off the meds – will take care of itself.

I have to remember the fight will be long and I have to stay focused to win it.